Julie

Tomorrow I am going to be meeting a friend for coffee. Her name is Julie and we met several years ago on the picket lines during the teacher's strike. We walked a lot together. When I first met Julie I thought she was incredibly beautiful and smart. I almost felt like she would not want to continue our friendship once the strike ended. I'm not sure why I felt that but I think it was because of my overriding sense that she was somehow better than I am. Which is truly a ridiculous thought.  However not really if you came to understand that I was a child of immigrant parents and often when you move from your home country to somewhere new there is a period of adjustment. 

In my case it was first the language barrier which only took me a couple of years to cross because I was a young child. Secondly there was this other feeling that I didn't dress the same as the other kids and didn't necessarily fit into their peer groups. I did have friends in school for sure but I always felt that there was this group of kids that were better dressed and socially more skilled at navigating the peer landscape than I was. I am only trying to figure out where this feeling of inferiority came from. I mean my parents always made me feel like I was the cutest and the brightest but fitting in at school wasn't always easy.

What does this have to do with Julie? Well even though my past experiences made me think that she wouldn't carry on our friendship this was far from the truth. I think I always had an inner confidence and in high school felt pride about my background but these feelings that you have as a young child can certainly impact the way you see yourself in later years. We had no difficulty in becoming friends and I am certainly glad for it because she is the type of person that really ''gets me?'' We laugh a lot at circumstances and experiences in our lives. I think it is one of the healthiest kinds of relationships, being able to laugh and feel free to speak your mind.

I don't see Julie nearly enough and of course the pandemic did not help! The pandemic put a full stop to so many things! We cannot even measure the full weight of what it has done to society. I'm just glad that for now we are able to once again see friends and family. 

Tomorrow we will probably spend far too much time catching up and of course laughing. I tend to be very much a homebody these days so it will be good to get out a bit. I don't mind that really because I absolutely love doing things at home. We also have two dogs to take care of and they love me being at home as well. Even though I have been toying with the idea of going back to work. That remains to be seen!

 I know that since losing our child I did also lose that feeling of wanting to socialize. When I was younger I had a lot of friends. After a loss it changes you. You do become more insular and partly you are trying to readjust to your environment and navigate it somehow,  because inwardly you have changed so you are basically re-introducing yourself to the world as a different person.  

Here is a plant pot that I purchased this winter with pine cones on it and a favourite breakfast of mine. It is not one I have everyday but it is waffles or pancakes with blueberries, Greek yogurt, and maple syrup.