Thursday, August 28, 2014

Six Years is a very Long Time

It has now been six years since I lost my daughter.  That is a very painful subject to even write about.  I don't know if I should or if I shouldn't.  This is kind of supposed to be a blog about fashion, living life to the fullest, believing in the future etc. etc.  I really love that word etc.  It allows the writer to take all the unexplainable and put it into a three letter abbreviation. It's Latin. Et means ''and'' and cetera means ''the rest''.

So if I choose not to write about my daughter in my blog I feel as if I would be living a lie. Perhaps not. Is it necessary to reveal all things in a blog? Probably not and I would say most people don't. But in my case this is part of the fibre of my existence. Something that has shaped me and continues to do so. I also feel that I would be unfaithful in a way to her. Not to bring this up. Sometimes I feel that when I read other people's blogs that there is just too much hidden. It's like that old album title: "What's been did and what's been hid" I really love that because it is so true of life. Sometimes too much is hidden and although I don't wholeheartedly think that we need to say everything I think there is something to be said for honesty.

If a blog is a personal one and you are inviting your readers to share a bit about yourself then I feel there are things that do not necessarily have to be kept secret. In fact part of my intention with this blog is to help others achieve a hopefulness of spirit despite what they have experienced or are currently going through. I think that we can often gain strength from the efforts of those around us. Isn't that what humanity should be about? Supporting one another?

So really all I can say at this point is I am trying very hard to grab hold of life. To say to myself that others go through stuff equally as difficult and survive. I have always been an optimist so that helps. It helps me to focus on the beauty in life. But hey I cannot realistically say that this hasn't taken its toll on me. I am only human and it has been a rough road to be sure.

The other thing that I thought about these last few years is how we incorporate spirituality into our lives. I have tried to glean a bit of wisdom from each and every religion that I have chosen to read about. Essentially they all kind of point to the same things. However I have had some difficulty in understanding Buddhism. I really cannot live in the present moment at all times. I find that reliving memories of happier times is actually very helpful to me. And thinking about the future seems to be built into my DNA and always has been. So we all do what we can to better our lives.

There are special memories for me. I have posted a favourite photo taken on a tour of the steps in San Francisco. We travelled there as a family and I love this picture because I was in my element. With both of my girls. That was part of who I always felt I was destined to be. A mother. It was also an essential part of me and always will be.

For those of you out there that are facing obstacles. Keep the faith. That expression simply means to not lose hope in the face of uncertainty and difficulties. The human condition is made up of that. I find what has helped me the most is to focus on working. Working at something that you love of course. I have put a great deal of time and effort into my shop and enjoy every aspect of it. It has given me purpose and something to focus on. Of course I still have a day job too and also enjoy that as well.

Scandinavian people are pretty work oriented. It does really help to be busy. But not so busy that you don't have time to take care of yourself and others around you.

Here is my photo:
Exploring San Francisco 2002

Keeping the Faith 2012 on a ship to Stockholm
So really I guess what has brought me to this point in time is being hopeful. Still hopeful about the future. Yearning often for the past but understanding that we cannot go back in time. Sadly yes this is the case. But acceptance is the key to many things. Accepting things that we cannot change. And of course working to change things that we are capable of. Don't give up. I grew up with an expression in Finnish. That we can go through even a gray rock. I tried to look for it on the internet but could not find it. Perhaps it is Swedish and my Mum had a lot of Swedish expressions too. Or maybe she made it up? Anyway it must have had some influence on me as I am still standing.

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